Deena it is old habits are hard to die off. But look at it this way too. Think of what 'normal' people do. Every once in a while they too find that they had a bit too much to drink. As long as that chase is gone and the fact that you say you don't hide drinks anymore that's a huge positive indication that you are on the right track. Hiding drinks was big to me as I've spoken about before. Hiding drinks was all about maintaining the chase and being able to drink what I needed so I would not get sick without anyone else knowing how much I was actually drinking. TSM cutting that off is huge.

you're doing really well. I too, used to hide drinks and I can't imagine doing it now. it's not necessary! keep it up!

Thank you for your support MM, Newlife, and Zontar. Ocean, I realize that you have made great strides and you are in a good place. I appreciate your perspective and I appreciate that you continue to contribute here to those of us who are still struggling.

I know that I have made progress. When I think now of how I hid alcohol and drank in secret, I know that I do not ever want to go back to that. Nothing in my life has ever made me feel so ashamed and yet I could not help myself. The thought of sharing a bottle of wine with my husband made me feel anxious. I NEEDED to have a shot of vodka between glasses of wine to remain calm. I have no desire to do that now. None. And you are right, Ocean. Even "normal" drinkers sometimes overdo it. The holidays will be an opportunity to work on moderation.

I have known that I am an alcoholic for a long time but to take the step of ordering Nal and committing to TSM was huge for me. I set a goal of being at a certain place on my birthday in six months. I just had that birthday and alcohol is not a non issue for me as I had hoped it would be. I am disappointed, of course, but I am going to focus on the positive changes and I am going to continue to move in the right direction.

Thanks again for all the support.

Deena - as you said, you have improved greatly ! to not be drinking in secret and not be hiding AL - that is SO good - so you have to know that this is a slow journey and that you will get to where you want to be. We all want it to happen 'now' now that we have started the Nal but have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and believe we will get there.....

HUGS, Maggie x

Thanks, Maggie. You are an inspiration to me because, although I know you get down at times, you made the decision at the beginning that you will NEVER give up. Hugs right back at you!

Hey, Dee..... Just one thing for you.... ((((hugs))))

I think the fact that you're not drinking in secret anymore is HUGE! I still occasionally am. My husband watches me like a HAWK. I feel like a petulant teenager around hum much of the time. I swear, if I could get away from being WATCHED and JUDGED, I would be able to kick the sneaking habit. I know better, though.... he's even more set in his ways than I am. That means that I'm going to have to figure this one out on my own. The fact that you've done that already is admirable. I think you're doing great! Keep on keeping on!

MinneMom

Dee,

Sorry for the late thank you for sharing what your cleansing process is. Very interesting. And I am very interested. Except....I am also a caffeine addict! That would be really tough! I have cut way back - only a half pot of coffee in the morning - and very seldom any after that. I really should try get my caffeine under control. Do they make a pill for that? I may contact you about it AFTER the holidays. No way I can cut back drinking and give up coffee and pumpkin pie during the holidays.

I think you should be proud of how far you have come since starting TSM. No more hiding drinks, a much higher level of control over AL, and the recognition that you still have to be careful in social situations (great job on Thanksgiving!). That is a lot of progress in 6 months time.

I imagine that a lot of us have that same problem of overdoing it when socializing and it seems to be a harder issue to control than the day to day drinking for me as well. But instead of the one day at a time mantra - I like to think of it as the one issue at a time mind set. You have handled the other issues - so the next issue to resolve is those damn parties and social settings. You can and will do it - just don't give yourself such a hard core deadline to do it.

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I second that Jaba!

Hi Deena, just saw you post over in Tweed's thread, how are you managing these days?

Started 1/6 myself, down to 4 per night from 12, still looking for my first AF day.