Well that AF night did not happen b/c after I posted my husband had something to celebrate and took the family out to dinner. Well, can't pass up the rare chance for a fancy drink so partook. Then the next day we were invited to friends for wine and appetizers. So that day was an AF bust.

BUT Saturday I did make it an AF day b/c I had it in my mind that I promised on this forum that I would do so....and I did. So the virtual group therapy continues to work for me. The AF day was pretty easy and obviously, I'm so glad of that. Even tho I'm drinking very little, I think I need to make a point of having at least one AF day each week just to keep it "real".

Thanks virtual support group for keeping me together!! And happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!

GTG, I'm amazed by your AF lent. Jealous.

I agree that our "virtual group therapy" is a big part of my progress. I almost think we should set up some kind of anonymous video chat some day, just to really meet each other. So many people on here have helped me and I don't know what they look like. Anyway, probably a crazy idea.

Keep up the good work!

The virtual therapy is great for my treatment, horrible for my productivity at work. But in the long run, my productivity has to be up, due to the lack of "day-afters".

Well it's over 2 months since I last posted but I wanted to check in and report that I'm still doing okay. I haven't had the courage to restart the Nal (coward, afraid of lousy SEs) but I have kept the drinking in check. I've started drinking a glass or two (4-5 oz) of wine at night...which I realize is the habit I started 15 years ago and lead me to the drinking crisis. I don't necessarily have the wine w/ dinner. Sometimes it's after dinner. I just like the taste of a glass of wine. Some days I do go AF; occasionally it's 2 days AF. It's important to keep the breaks in there. But so far, while it does take effort (brief and little), I do stop after 1 or 2 glasses, drink water and once 30 minutes pass, I don't have the urge to drink further.

I'm also now in the advantageous situation of being able to change my life....that is, "where" I'm living and my daily routine. This is huge to an alcoholic....I feel it buys me more time to keep a lid on the whole drinking thing. My husband and I are taking our kids on a road trip for a year. We're living in small quarters, home schooling, etc. There's no opportunity for me to start drinking heavily. Sure, I can have a glass of wine at the end of the day but that's about it. There's nothing else to drink. I'm using my environment to control any urge I might have to turn the 1-2 glasses into anything more. I've bought myself another year. After that, my relationship w/ alcohol may have diminished (huge hopes for that) or if not, I'll have to restart the Nal. But, for me, it's one day at a time and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

In the meantime, hang in there everyone. Hope you're winning your own battles.

Just a brief update that I haven’t yet resumed taking Nal and am still drinking two glasses of wine per day. Occasionally I have an AF day but more often it’s two glasses. I haven’t touched vodka since August 2012 and strictly stay away from hard alcohol.

I’m not cured but am still holding my own. I’d like to get more AF days in there but still taking it one day at a time.

While it’s been several months since I’ve visited this forum, reading it now I am reminded of how helpful it is to follow other people’s journeys.

I wish you all the best of luck. Hang in there and I will continue to check in from time to time.

GTG,

Glad to hear you are getting by. Please keep us posted on your journey without nal. I'm still sticking with plan and Golden rule for the long haul. Don't be a stranger.

Chris

Well another 6 months have gone by and I wanted to report that I'm still doing well. I'm still keeping to my 1-2 glasses of wine a day with occasional AFs. I've been at this constant for so long now that I'm toying with the idea of stating that I'm cured. While, for a long time, it did take some will power to just keep it to 1-2 glasses of wine per night, it now is very easy. If I'm ever faced with a day where I know there is no wine in sight, there's no longer anxiety. That was a huge milestone. Why do I still drink wine at night then? Because I like the taste. If it's not a decent wine, I'm not interested. If I have one glass of wine, I find I sleep better.

While I'm toying with the "cured" notion, I'm not yet ready to put it out there as a bold definitive statement and will never be able to post "cured due to TSM"; it was however TSM and this forum that got me on the road to recovery. I know I'm lucky in that the "alcoholic gene" does not appear to be dominant in me; 50% of me is comprised of a non-alcoholic and so I seem to be able to lean in that direction. I know for some (like my dad), it's not that simple. And for me it was anything but simple and took years of focused conditioning and a few lucky breaks to change my environment that helped me. I truly know how hard overcoming alcoholism and changing behavior is and I believe it's a "one day at a time" approach.

Anyway, for those of you out there struggling, hang in there. Take it one day at a time and do what you can to change your behaviors that support your drinking. Therapy helps with efforts to understand "why" you went down the slippery path towards alcoholism. In my case, it was in part due to an unsatisfactory home life environment with little to none personal fulfillment...There was definitely a connection between zero self-esteem and drinking. Now that I've found a few projects that really inspire and motivate me, I don't want to lose time with hang overs and diminished brain power. All this is easy to say/write but very hard to do of course.

To those who followed me and wrote to me: Thank you. You're words really helped...and still do. You helped me realize I wasn't alone and gave me a sense that I mattered and there was/is hope. I wish everyone on this forum the best of luck in your quest to stay sober and to live with alcohol such that it doesn't negatively influence or destroy your life.

Cured or not, you are drinking moderately and non-problematically, so I'd just call it a win!

Thanks for the update GTG, I look forward to your future success and hope you continue to post. Keek

Something happened over the Christmas season and I started crossing over that "line" whereby the drinking is starting to become an issue again. Up until last December, I was drinking 1-2 glasses of wine per day with an AF every 10 days or so. That was working for me. Wasn't thinking about that drink at the end of the day; just enjoying the taste of a good wine with dinner at the end of the day. Then the holidays arrived. The rum eggnog and later 1-2 glasses of wine. After the holidays, no more rum eggnog but the 1-2 glasses of wine became 2-3. Now 3 glasses almost every night for the last couple weeks. A bottle of wine that used to last 4 or 5 days is now done in 2. So my weekly count has gone from about 10 glasses per week to 19-21. That has triggered something.

What else is going on? Well, domestic life facing daily clutter that never goes away is sucking the life out of me. I don't have much going on socially or professionally at the moment and am sinking into a pretty deep depression making those few glasses of wine at the end of the day really attractive. I haven't slipped to the vodka or hard liquor (short of the rum in those xmas eggnogs) yet but see the pattern, thanks to referring back to my posts on this forum. My lackluster existence is changing my relationship with alcohol....from a loose acquaintance back to wanting to be my best buddy.

I've decided to keep track of my daily intake again...resurrected and dusted off the notebook. For me there was a real difference in my relationship to alcohol when I kept intake to 10 glasses or less a week. Once I started creeping over to 3 glasses, I see 4 would be an easy leap to make. Don't want to go there again.

Even tho I don't belong here on this board anymore (not taking the Nal again...so afraid of those headaches), I need to stay here to keep the journal going and to read about how others are doing. (Group therapy.) Outwardly, I think my husband would think I'm still doing fine but inside I'm a little scared of a relapse. No hard liquor or blackouts yet but sense that I'm on the ledge again.

Anyway, just keeping it honest. Will be checking in more often in the coming weeks.