Still thinking about that liquor in the fridge....This is a classic time of taking one day, one hour at a time.

Chrissie, regarding your question, DH knows that I've had a glass of wine before (I told him) and he saw me take a glass on Halloween. He didn't say anything about either. He knows a bit about tsm but am not sure if he believes in it or not; he certainly is skeptical. He has read this forum before, when I was starting tsm, and he was critical saying people here on the forum are dillusional...."drinking 60+ units a week and they think they're getting better?" I honestly haven't talked about it much at all (I'm non-confrontational so do not want to risk getting into a debate on the merits of tsm; if I actually feel I am cured one day, I will certainly be more vocal about it.)....nor do I talk about any struggle I may have...he just knows about my AF run and is happy with what I've been able to accomplish.

I have Eskapa's book laying around and he may get around to reading it. I have all kinds of books regarding tackling alcoholism laying around as I read something on the subject everyday. I have a hard time talking about it tho b/c I want to distance myself as much as possible from the label. We all know, here on this board, what the label does to the way people regard you. It's so important to me that this tsm works; that I can be around alcohol and choose to have a drink or not. That other people can see me take a drink and not dissolve. This is critical for my self esteem and for my sense of being a good wife and parent.

So this forum continues to be my safe haven where I can write what I really feel and still partially pretend to have it all together for the people around me. I've cleaned up my act but alcohol still occasionally becomes an issue (like the last 30 hrs); many days it's not an issue at all.

Anyway, thanks for reading and for everyone's support. It really helps.

Hey Gott,

That you are still so tempted to drink is simply evidence that you are not quite yet through the whole "Extinction" process with TSM. Seems to me you are feeling the "ADE" (Alcohol Deprivation Effect) big time. Correct me if I am wrong. I think you need to relax a little. Just be sure to take your Nal according to the "Golden Rule" here....at least one hour before. Then, drink with ease...resting in the fact that each Nal + drink brings you closer and closer to the total CURE. The cure = ZERO interest or craving for the demon drink! Imagine that! Focus on that.

Forced abstinence = ADE...
Nal + Drinking = CURE...total freedom!

Try to imagine having NO cravings and interest in alcohol! Nal + Drinking WILL give it to you! It's already given you a lot. So...take it to the limit...and be FREE!!!

Take care.

Hi Dabs, yes your comments are accurate.

If the people on this forum were the people surrounding me in my life, I would likely be drinking w/ Nal more often w/ the hope of moving the extinction process along faster; I would be surrounded with like-minded, compassionate people. The problem is I'm not surrounded by people with a drinking problem. In fact I don't know anyone (except some members of my family) who have drinking problems. (Altho I bet they're out there and are like me, "closet cases".)

So I need to hold it together so that I appear to the outside world that I've got it together. I've got a DH who seems to attribute many things that aren't quite right in our marriage or w/ our children due to my being a child of and an alcoholic myself. I largely think that's BS but the net of it is I want this alcoholic label to go away. So I have to tackle this tsm business a different, slower way.

If what I have been experiencing is ADE, it comes in waves and wasn't nearly as bad last night as Friday night. And despite the ADE moments, there have been huge upsides to mostly being abstinent. My head is so clear. I wake up refreshed every morning. Zero chance of a hangover. I go thru the day feeling no shame. I get praise from DH. I have the energy and patience to deal with 3 kids with very different personalities and needs.

One interesting side effect of mostly being abstinent now is that I crave sugar often. When drinking daily, I never had a sweet tooth. But now AF, I seem to eat more chocolate. And I allow myself the treat as a substitute for not having a drink. When I was drinking daily, I would easily resist candy, desserts, or chocolate b/c my treat at the end of the day was the alcohol.

You're doing a great job, working w/ the hand that was dealt you! The more people involved, the more complex it must be. I'm working incognito; DH is still unaware of TSM, and if my dogs know, they don't seem to care.

Hello Gott,

Wow you sound so much like me. For the 11 years of abstinence I had, I really battled with my sweet tooth. I believe it's because supposedly sugar has a similar affect on our brains as alcohol. I enjoyed those 11 years since it appeared to everyone around me that all was well. I call the sugar blues the sleeping (alcohol) giant. To me it's really not much different. Sugar although not as apparent as alcohol still slowly destroys our health. It's one in the same IMHO. I still wonder if I'll ever really beat it.

Keep going, you're doing a great job!!! I support you 150%!

Best,

Wow, Gott, for sure you have other very pertinent factors at play in your whole Nal-journey. Makes total sense that you are wanting to avoid being criticized or labelled by your family. That must be frustrating!

Alcohol has a LOT of sugar in it you know! That you are craving sweets is very typical for those who quit drinking. Chocolate is a great choice! Go for the high Cacao content dark-chocolate bars (70% or more pure). It's full of antioxidant flavanoids and also helps with mood.

You might also try enjoying a hard candy when you are feeling some craving to drink. Part of your alcohol craving could simply be for the sugar it contains!

KOKO!

Hey Gotthegene, I think you are doing a great job of doing what works for you. I totally understand where you are coming from. If you have to tame this beast slowly and manage to have more AF days than drinking days, then I think you are far better off than those who may need to take two years of drinking large amounts daily. Who is to say you aren't one who is more psychologically addicted than physically addicted. I know Sinclair stresses that TSM isn't for someone who is abstinent, but what is the definition of abstinent? I don't really understand the difference between craving a drink daily as opposed to craving a drink after a stint AF. We "feel" deprived either way. The past week where I have put 8 days AF have really not been that hard. Granted I am away from stressors and am giving my mood stabilizers a chance to work, but it seems to be working far better than drinking with the nal daily. Just my 2 cents worth! Good Naling, Keek

On election night, I met a friend for a glass of wine to watch the election results. Interestingly, after my 30+ hour big craving for alcohol the previous weekend, by the time Tuesday came along I no longer really had any urge to drink. Nevertheless, because the get-together was arranged 2 weeks prior, I went thru w/ it. I only took 12.5mg of Nal beforehand due to the Nalover I had w/ 1 glass of wine a week or so ago. I ordered a nice chardonnay and I was surprised that it did not taste good at all. After my one glass, I had no difficulty ending it there and keeping to my "1 glass only" rule.

The next evening I didn't have any desire to drink (nor did I plan to) and didn't. I did have my first session of counseling for "me" yesterday. It was refreshing how pleasant it was compared to marriage counseling....which I have tomorrow (and already am starting to dread).

Even tho I started this (mostly) AF lifestyle since late August, I still feel odd the second half of the day not drinking. After ~14 yrs drinking wine daily, I guess it will take a long time for this to be the "new normal".

Am reading Eskapa's "The Cure for Alcoholism" and it's so inspirational to read the various stories of people who have been cured thru tsm.

Seems like you are so very close to being FREE, Gott! I can't imagine having a "Nalover" after one glass of wine. You must be very sensitive.

You must have meant that you are "RE-Reading", Escapa's book right? I also can't imagine that you havent yet read the "Bible" of TSM yet!? No one should be -- or have been for a long time --- posting here, giving so many people advice about TSM and Naltrexone, without having read Dr. Escapa's and Sinclair's book!? Tell me, tell us, it isn't so! That would be like a priest giving sermons without having read the Bible! Can you imagine!?

KOKO!

Hi Dab,
Yes I'm re-reading Eskapa's book but you raise a very good point. Whether I've read the book once or 100 times, I won't be an expert on TSM. Nor is anyone else on this forum (that I'm aware of). Each of us gives advice (and usually cautiously so) based on our own personal experiences. So anyone willing to take our advice just needs to be careful and do so knowing that none of us on this forum are doctors with years of clinical research studying alcoholism. I would like to believe that whoever writes under the pseudonym "DrRoyEskapa" is in fact Dr Roy Eskapa. But none of us knows that for sure...except for the person using the pseudonym. (No disrespect intended.) It's just the nature of life on the internet.

Another AF day yesterday. Didn't think about a drink all evening. I have no plans tho to claim any "cure" status until I go at this a year. I want to get to the point where not drinking most evenings is what feels normal and I know it will take a long time w/ this behavior for it to become the new normal.

Hope everyone has a great weekend ahead.