Well guys and Gals this the week ending January 3rd.

I have not kept track of my units. I am going to start again this week but I am starting to feel that the units are of no value to me. I really wanted to tame or quit Alcohol for these reasons:

1. I wanted to no longer hurt those close to me. Since TSM I have not had one alcohol related fight or craziness or bizzare incedent. Which Pre-TSM they were every week.

2. I wanted the depression that only alcohol can cause to disappear from my life so I could begin to rebuild. I still have depression no doubt. But it is not a crazy suicidal why I am breathing depression. It is manageable and again I feel like I can fuction enough to rebuild my life and am begining to see myself as worthwhile again.

For me this holiday season has been pure hell. I am so glad it's over. But I know this for a god given fact - if it wasn't for tsm I would have been drunk every day and night from right before Christmas until now. I broke up with my fiance still crying the blues over it, money is tight, and I have isolated myself from people. I am going to fix the money problem this week and resume my career in a big way or at least go down swinging, I am going to be spending a lot of time in the city around people and friends so I will squash the isolationism. As far as the fiance I am not trying to sound cold it hurts like hell but i am not in highschool so it's not the first broken heart and without booze at crazy levels its tolerable at best right now. The only cure for a broken heart I know of is time and without alcohol time can pass and heal me.

As far as actual units go I drank just about everyday this past week and the whole holiday season. Had friends from the city come between Xmas and new years and for new Years went to Family's house. Hell this is the first new Years I went to bed sober in I don't know how many years and did not have that hangover new years day thing going on. I actually enjoyed and remebered visting with my Family and did not make a fool out of myself. The units are still as far as I am concerned low - average around five per day and one AF day so that would be 30 for the week.

I am still not where I want to be with alcohol I would like lower consumption but I am PLEASED with my results so far. Straight hard liquor continues to make me sick and I am primarialy drinking beer which in the past I hated for the fact it couldn't get me where I wanted to be buzz wise. Beer is fine and all but not CLOSE to a whiskey buzz. I still crave the whiskey buzz but the thought of the mechanic of getting the buzz makes me sick. I never in a million years thought a pill could make me lose my desire for whiskey. I LOVE THE TASTE I LOVE THE BUZZ I LOVE THE ROMANTICISM IN MUSIC OVER WHISKEY. Hence I loved everything about it. Now I love the buzz but cant bear the thought of getting there to the point I pass on it. I have never had a half gallon of whiskey last so long in my house since I can't remember it has made it from kitchen counter to the liquor cabinet.

I am now playing the "I will only drink beer game" and sticking to it with ease and by choice effortlesly.Drinking no more than five which Pre-TSM I could knock back easily 15 or more if it's just beer. So this week hard liquor continues to make me ill, and my tolerance remains obliterated and I'm happy for this. I am positively convinced I am drinking out of habit because when things are bad thats what I do I drink. I am not happy about this and I know I need to re-learn healthy coping mechanisms but for now I am pleased. I look at it like i did not destroy myself overnight I can not fix myself overnight.

I feel for all of you that TSM is not working for. I pray that either it will begin to work or you will find another method or a combination of TSM and something else that does work. Your posts I apprciate as much those "cured" It makes me that much more greatful and figure "there but the grace of God go I"

Great news for you, Crown. Even tho the holidays sucked emotionally w/ the fiance gone, sounds like the drinking was under control. That's awesome! Pat yourself on the back - you seem to be responding well to this medication & I am so happy for you.

Yes, those of us it doesn't seem to be working for have a ways to go. Other roads to explore. But hearing from you and others with so much promise, makes me happy. Glad it works for the majority...I seem to be in the 22%. But who knows...anything can happen!

Cheers in the New Year!

Thanks for your updates Crown86, I think some of your posts were the ones that got me started thinking about taking the Nal. I can relate to a lot that you say and it is nice to read some of your honest and forthright posts. You keep writing and I'll keep reading >

Maenads

Glad my drunkness and journey away from it helps others. The best to you on your fight.

So nice to see life-changing progress and the positive effects of sharing!!

Crown,

So great to hear of your success.

Without your history, people seeing you would consider you a social drinker. That's awesome!

As you know, I've been at this for a minute and I think the bottom of the 9th, there have been some base hits as of late.

My wife has been gone all week and I haven't been freaking out,...out of control.


In fact, I think I've been drinking less....sadly for me, I never have counted units, but can safely say I had a martini and 2 Bud Lights last night. Feel great today and have been working out daily.

Thats the best I can do,...I wish you well,....sorry I've been gone, my computer broke down 3-4 days ago,...but I'm back.....

have a good one. Jim Clark

Thank-you Art

Yeah to me this way beyond doing something...thank GOD For naltrexone

Week 7
Guestimated units mabey 15ish

Pretty uneventful week as far as alcohol goes...LOL and that is a damn miracle..I can't beleive I am writing this..As far as units..again a guestimate as I have not been keeping track. I have almost exlusively drank beer out of choice not my old bs moderation game. Hard liquor is still repulsing me physically but not mentally..wish it would mentally..would have saved me from the porcilan throne thursday evening.

Was over at a friends on thursday night with a few people..the karoke machine got drug out...LOL..I play guitar and love music..so..I slammed six beers pretty fast...like in an hour and a half...man I was wasted. Then the shots came out...I did two...the second one sent me running to the bathroom. No wacky behavior though from me - was in control buzz wise.

The best part alcohol wise about this night - I have not been drunk on a six pack since college and the shots were like in the begining of my drinking career...LOL man up with the boys and have shot..if your mouth starts watering and your stomach rumbles NEVER LET'M SEE YA SWEAT. I am very pleased with this night, was like I had the tolerance when I was 27ish at the begining of my booze love affair. On 6 beers and 2 shots I puked and the night was fuzzy and the next day was hell. I cant remember the last time I had a hangover like this. Take the day off get a steak and cheese close the blinds and watch old John Wayne Movies all day and swear I will never do it again. During the height of my alcoholism hangovers didn't happen - feeling like crap became a way of life.

I am still amazed at myself with the shot thing. Hard liquor has been making me ill lately. I took these shots like the pre-alcoholic drinking, just to be macho with the boys, only difference I was thinking and HOPING and PRAYING I would get sick, just to know TSM is working. I could have passed with minimal effort...ah but the macho thing, the romanticism of whiskey got me. To me mental not physical...need to kill this. I am done puking and very much am sure I will pass in the future.

During my drinking madness when I still went to bars I didn't give damn who had shot, I was drinking them on the side with Crown on the rocks as my main course. I was way past the every guy out with us gets a shot gather in a circle make some stupid toast and drink'm. I didn't need company for them and my buddies were always like damn how many of those you gonna drink. I used to take my thumb and index finger and form a C and tell the bartender "C is for champ, give me another little one". I feel like it's a full circle right back to the begining almost.

Rest of the week was a beer here and there with dinner type thing. If this week could be the rest of my life drinking I would be completely satisfied.

Another add to the week - On one hand I am happy with my reaction on the other I am fuming with anger but no were near out of control. I am very close with my sister, and became closer after my mother's death. our father passed away in 03. Save for a couple aunts and uncles in their 80's and 70's she is all I have left.

She is going thru a divorce with a WACKO ex husband. Alot of people say they have wacky ex's but her's is the real deal. Violent, death threats that have to be taken seriously, HUGE criminal record of previous spousal abuse and fire arms and drugs...nasty nasty stuff.

She has a restraining order in place however he continues to violate it with phone calls from "other" numbers that the police can do nothing with. On friday my neice told her mother "mommy daddy put his finger in me and wanted me to pee on it". Sorry for being gross it turns my stomach as I write it. She is 4.5. Today my sister is at the police with her daughter.

Without TSM and the frame of mind I was in prior, a few drinks of whiskey and the hunt would have been on for her ex. I would have been like F the law. I could not stand this guy before, gave her holy hell when she married this guy 5 years ago, and now you can only imagine how i feel about him. We had 2 confrontations when they were married over him abusing my sister and destroying her home. It never got physical only because he was a little girl who likes to abuse women behind close doors - you know the type - he backed down with me every time.

Without TSM I would have drank over this hard and been in a blind rage and black-out and lord only knows what could have happened. I have never had ANY criminal charges EVER not even a speeding ticket in my 42 years (knock on wood). This event combined with alcohol could have seriously destroyed my life. I am greatful for TSM that I can sit back take a deep breath - even though that deep breath took almost a day - and be calm as can be expected and remain rational. My anger over this with whiskey involved would have been adding 20 gallons of gas on an open fire. Funny how you can deal with shitty things in life sober.

I know a lot of people would be like kill him and at first that was my intial reaction, and prior to this happeneing that is what I would say about any petaphile. It all changes when happens to your own family. My attitude is let the law handle this, support my sister the best I can - damn and not being a worthless drunk I can GIVE support - and I pray my neice is ok in the long run.

I wasn't going to add this because it makes me sick to think about it - kind of mentally blocking this from my mind - but this was a HUGE event that I know as GOD as my judge I would be WASTED WASTED and in a blind rage for days and possibly have done things to really screw my life up. THANK GOD TSM WORKS FOR ME.