New TSMer and spouse

bobandcarol · **Joined:** Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:14 pm **Posts:** 118

lena wrote:

To the roxies and bighead:

Anyone who would like some editing cleanup on this thread, pm the moderators with your preferences and we'll fix ya right up.

Hi Lena
Thanks for your post and reference. i will read those posts. As for editing this thread, I don't mind the OT post. i was just suggesting she might find more response elsewhere. I hope I didn't come off as a forum Sargent.

L

lena · **Joined:** Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:07 pm **Posts:** 929

Larry -- Not at all -- I mostly was offering to start up a new thread for Bigheads if she wanted to be sure she got the feedback. Parent guilt, especially Mom guilt, is a common topic on this board and there are people ready to reach out if they know we have a soldier down in the field! So the offer still stands.

houtx · **Joined:** Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:39 pm **Posts:** 872

Good comments, Lena - I am feeling the pain of these couples but hopeful this will work for them. So hard to be in a couple no matter what...why do I/we persist?? So easy to be alone in our little worlds...enjoying the wine & at the moment, the Xmas decorations! The occasional input from males is fun, but I sure do enjoy my solitude expecially now that it and my own space has become a habit.

I feel for all those out there trying to make it work. 4 years ago the **** hit the fan in my world. It took awhile, but am living happily ever after ever since. I know the pain of broken hearts so hoping you couples find peace w/ this.

XO

AsRealityTurns · **Posted:** Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:38 am

I agree, waiting is the key. I have been on this path for almost a year now, and have had brief moments of success, but they are sweet and enough for me to continue, and I do continue to have hope and I savor my small successes.
I so do not want to drink, and if cold turkey was a solution, I would do it, but I have, at this juncture, not the ability, so I continue with TSM. :roll:

bobandcarol · **Joined:** Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:14 pm **Posts:** 118

I just want to say that so far our experience has been very positive, on balance. We have gone through hell for years, and the past four weeks have been a refreshing breather from the constant hell. Our interaction is much better, the treatment seems to be having some effect even if extinction is far off. Our family was very nearly torn apart by this beast and I am grateful there is some hope with this method.

Thank you all
Larry

lena · **Joined:** Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:07 pm **Posts:** 929

Yes: Hope changes everything. Just the promise of a new beginning can lift that ugly burden we've all felt.

bobandcarol · **Joined:** Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:14 pm **Posts:** 118

Hi all. Larry here just checking in. My lovely wife is on day 41 and is AF today. So far, this journey has been a positive one and full of hope. Not every day has been easy, but there are many more good days than we have ever had. The spike days are difficult still, but the rebound is faster and there has been less extreme behavior. Her weekly units are down nicely and I am hoping her per session units will drop at some point. This is still something that I am not too clear on. Anyway, I hope everyone here is having a good day and taking their Nal if they drink. Please post, as this board is a real benefit to us all who are supporting the efforts of our loved ones.

Warmest regards to all
Larry

Jim Clark · **Posted:** Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:37 am

wow Larry,

that's awesome. I'm so glad you guys are having a turn around. As you probably know, I am having problems, but we'll see. There still is hope.

Yes, without the people here, I'd be toast long ago, and the past few days, I've been feeling awesome and my units are WAY down. I'm not thinking I'm nearly out of the woods but will take these strides. I feel as though the alcoholic depression is gone and I am with more serenity than I've been since when I was sober for the 5 years. (except for the marriage but even that, I'm able to handle the potential failing marriage. Pre TSM I would be getting SMASHED nightly, feeling sorry for myself and drinking 12-15 a night easy). Hang in there, Jim

neural.ned · **Joined:** Mon Dec 21, 2009 10:56 pm **Posts:** 69

Thebigheads wrote:

You don't HAVE to behave in ANY way. You are doing the best you can. You're awesome to be this involved.
You two are in early days, and I can tell you it will likely get worse before it gets better. People who truly love each other can get through anything. (That's what I tell myself when things get bad, but I really believe it).
She may continue to hide it, at least to some degree, as long as she feels ashamed of it. A stamp of approval from my husband to do TSM did not take away the shame I feel pouring a drink in front of him at 8am. She'll hide it because in her mind, she's protecting your feelings while she struggles to understand her own. Not because she wants to deceive you. On the contrary. If she's like me, she is tired of hurting you, but is powerless to stop it.
You are a very courageous. She's lucky to have you. Hang in there.

Strong medicine, this. Thanks.

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