Perfect, great place to be.

That is a great analogy Melissa.

And as the Wiki article attached to SE's signature points out, that intermittent re-enforcement helps explain the dangers of gambling addiction. The house only pays out intermittent rewards, let's say, 50% of the time - just enough so the trained primate pulls the arm of the slot machine more frantically.

Between that and the cheap booze, it makes me glad I keep my genetically defective brain out of casinos.

Time to check in.

I think the cravings are returning. My problem is that I dont have a day to burn being worthless. I'll have to find it.

In other possibly related news, I have kind of, sort of, but not really taken up vaping. I figured it wouild help me lose some weight quick because smoking always torpedoed my appetite. Well, I found out that low doses of nic make me really focused. Never had that effect with smoking, but i suppose there was usually also alcohol involved.

Interestingly enough I was very much enjoying it, but the effect wore off today and I didnt want to do it anymore. Funny how I can be compulsive about alcohol, but I could always take or leave nic. My last pack of smokes lasted a year...

Well, I have an update. I have fallen off the wagon, but not with alcohol. My vaping started for weight loss, continued because of the hyper focus it gave me (i would get amazing amounts of work done) and am noticing that I am doing it more for the buzz.

I suppose its less harmful than both drinking and smoking and allows me to remain priductive, but that could be a rationalization.

Maybe Im an addict in want of an addictiion? How depressing.

I'm a non-smoker, however when I hear "I smoke to keep my weight down" or other similar expressions, to me it sounds like someone justifying and being in denial.

On the other hand I have an issue with food, it started when I was in my late teens, drifted away (but did show itself a bit in the fact I always ate when I drank) when alcohol intake increased, then snook back as I drank less and less with TSM.

I feel drunk if I eat a huge amount of chocolate very quickly, and my behaviour with and around it is very similar to how I was with alcohol.

I have also done the therapy thing, there isn't anything I've not touched in my past - I am however convinced that TSM doesn't take away the tendency to seek something to plug the hole and I don't even know what the hole is because I am loved etc.

Sorry waffling about me.

I'm trying to say that it's all interesting, and well done on talking about it.

Sometimes I think that addicts are people who feel things more keenly than other people, therefore they are looking more urgently, separately, really, to plug the hole that UK blonde is talking about.

Beforr seeing it written, Id have agreed with you. But after having thought about it a while, Im more of the mind that its not a failure of character or a psychological problem, but a hard wired susceptibility or predisposition to addiction.

That doesnt absolve me of responsibility, but it does influence what I can do about it. I dont think any talking about problems will help.

Im not sure what will help. Avoidance?

sideeffect - I have just read your entire thread - plus the one that you wrote when you first took Nal. I smiled at the Vape - I smoked many years ago - and quit when I was pregnant. Started again 28 years later ! Quit a year ago with the vape --- do not use the vape now and stopped using it after a few months but still have it ready and charged just in case !

I was fascinated by your AL journey ...... and thank you so much for coming back and posting. UKBlonde posts even though she is cured and I said to her how motivating it is to those of us just starting out .... so I really appreciate your coming back and letting us know how you are doing.

I also agree with you that addiction is a predisposition to AL or cigs - whatever ! But then it is up to us to deal with it - being predisposed is not an excuse to continue it. I was wondering if taking the Nal might help with the Nicotine - or of course you could just go down in the strength of the juice in the vape .... just a thought.

Thanks for being here for everyone !!

hugs, Maggie x

Sure, Im glad it helps someone. There is definitely the issue here where the successes vanish.

Its funny, I put down the ecig for a day a few days ago, and I got agitated, but there wasnt a visceral craving, a hunger, like there was for alcohol. Seems totally different to me.

I have found that nicotine cures my very bad allergies, better than the strongest antihistamines on the market. Or just maybe the ones the dr will prescribe. So Im not sure I want to quit, it has actually improved my quality of life immensely. Please dont think Im trying to advocate for nic, though it probably sounds like it. But yeah, I get a 95-100% cure with nic and maybe 25-75% cure taking all kinds of pills, sticking crap up my nose, etc.

I think Im ok with this. If Im addicted, at least Im not miserable with alleergies. Fair trade.

Btw, nal will not work on nic. There is a different drug, chantix, that blocks nic receptors. However, there seem to be reports of people being seriously mentally damaged by it. I havent dug into it, so dont take my word on it. Given though that I got side effects from nal with a risk of 3/400 (some very small number dont remember) if theres a chance of going bonkers from chantix, Im not taking it.

Or maybe this is all rationalization. So hard to be 100% sure.

Hello Sideeffect2,

Just read through this thread, and I think I'm much the same when it comes to addictions . I quit smoking 13 years ago with the help of zyban, worked wonders on me, killed the buzz my brain was chasing from nicotine. Without the occational buzz, I was completely ignorant of cigarettes. After 23 years of smoking, even through prenangcy. I have later read that zyban and drugs like it can have very serious side effects, I "only" had horrible... Same as I did with Selincro. The sideeffects and the killing off the buzz, has made me AF after 9 pills. I am 3 months in TSM. I am however a notorious rule-braker. For some strange reason I just don't believe the rules apply to me. I expect the time will come where I will test them. Inspired by you I will keep the nal ready and schedule some time in for side effects + drinking for when the craving resurface.

All the best.

A very special Snowflake