Maggie: I am sorry about this issues with your husband. I have always thought that I would not like to be married to someone who drinks like me. What a hypocrite, but it is the truth, actually!! It would be hard.

I do think it is a good sign though: I bet you that he is drinking the same as he always has but YOU are drinking less and so you notice it.

If he won't go to a dr, why not talk to him about TSM and see if he will order from ADC like many of us do. Maybe he would be receptive to that?

Hope the talk goes well. xoxo Newlife

I understand. I know from my own experience that when ever my wife wanted to have that talk with me I would never listen anyway. If AA got one thing right it's that alcoholism is a personal journey. It's a selfish one too. The only person that can over come it is the one who suffers from alcoholism no matter how much talking friends and family do. The one thing that they got wrong is that the sufferer of alcoholism doesn't any longer need to hit rock bottom and loose everything in order to get out of it thanks to TSM. I'm not suggesting you don't have your talk but I just hope it doesn't fall on deaf ears.

Newlife - no, it is not that I am noticing it because I am drinking less - he had been drinking way more than usual to the point of staggering and slurring - every night. It actually even scared me one night 'cos I was worried that he would hurt himself if he woke to go to the loo or something so I dozed most of the night waking every time he moved ! And no he would never take anything to help him - he can and does stop all on his own - for weeks at a time but then of course once he starts again there is the ADE to deal with ! For now he has stopped - I told him that he scared me. I also said about not wanting to be a hypocrite but I do not and have never drunk to the point of staggering and slurring. Okay - maybe once or twice but it was a very rare event ! And he did SCARE me, as as it was happening every night I was really worried ! Anyway he has stopped for now .... watch this space.

Ocean - he was actually receptive when I talked to him - I think me saying that he scared me woke him up to it actually. I kept saying that even though I drink too, that he was going overboard every night and he agreed with me and said he was stopping. Which he has.

Jaba - as you can see, I did say about him scaring me rather than attack his drinking per se! And for now all is well!

Thanks everyone for listening and caring !

Hugs, Maggie x

For dealing with spouse or loved ones, I'd like to recommend this book:

BEYOND ADDICTION:How Science and Kindness Help People Change by Dr. Jeffrey Foote

Unfortunately it's only available on Amazon and I can't copy/paste the description, but it is evidence-based, like TSM, and like TSM uses behavioral science to address motivation and reinforcement. It's a real world practical training guide. (And a way to influence without having the dreaded "talk" that never works.)

It is very challenging, because it requires a lot of observation and thought about what's really happening, what the cues and reinforcers are. It's written for the families and friends, but I think it could also be very helpful to those of you on TSM who are struggling with ingrained habits that in themselves drive addictive behavior, outside of any opioid reward.

It's totally non-12 step. (There's a chapter at the end on "treatment options" which covers the current state of rehab, AA etc. When Nal is briefly mentioned, it's in the typical abstinence context, so unfortunately a great opportunity to add to the range of behavioral strategies with TSM is lost, but you can just ignore that whole chapter, the rest of the book is outstanding.)

Caveat: putting these strategies into effect with a spouse, even if you know what you're doing and what your goal is, can be extremely challenging. But it's good to understand and do your best.

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Addiction- ... B00DPM7XHI

Thanks Truffle - the thing is I am sort of in the odd position of also having a problem as well as my hubs ! BUT because I am trying to do something about it, it is harder - plus I have never hit rock bottom or been falling down drunk - I saw it in my dad a lot and hated it - and hubs reminded me of that the other few days ! Anyway I did talk to him but before I could even get two sentences out he said 'yes I know and am going to stop'. And he does - at least for a few weeks maybe a month or two, if the past is anything to go by. But then he starts again - and usually does not drink enough to get in the state he was in this time. Anyway I do appreciate your input - it was kind of you to post. The book looks really good and I am probably going to download it.

The Nal is taking its time with me though as you can see - I started it in January! But I do know that it will work eventually. As Jaba always says, it is a roller coaster ride - and I am going up and down.

Hugs, Maggie x

Maggie, I am sorry about your husband but I am very glad for your sake that when you talked to him he listened to you. He must really love you!!

Hang in there, my friend. BIG HUGS from Newlife

Hey Maggie - I am glad you were able to get your husband to cut back - he must be a much better husband than me -as I rarely listened to my wife when she asked me to cut back - not unless I was the one worried at the time. In fact - we both agreed that I needed to do something desperately in June of this year. And I googled pill to help you stop drinking. Found NAL referenced and then found the forum. So chalk one up for listening to your wife!

Good to hear Reboot - but hubs has already started again - he did stop for five days - he amazes me that he can do that - just stop. I have no idea how much he had last night as I was asleep when he came to bed .... the thing is I know that if I stopped then he would too ...not that either of us drink the pothers tipple, but whereas him drinking does not bother me if I stop, me drinking does bother him when he stops.

Something has to give with me soon !! I am getting so fed up with this not working for me - okay yes I have had improvement but it hasn't WORKED yet ! I am not even back to where I was about 6 or so years ago - I used to drink 2 Guinness every night ! AND thought I had a problem !

Hugs, Maggie x

Hang in there, Maggie.... I know how this frustration must be killing you. It stinks when you watch others succeed with what appears to be minimal effort, while you've been adhering to the program for as long as you have. All I can say is that it WILL happen for you. The fact that it's helping, means, well it's HELPING! It's just taking longer for you. If you hadn't had ANY progress, I would be worried, but you have! You're doing great!

Keep posting... so much better to get that frustration out rather than stuffing it all in. It will drive a woman to drink! Keep on keeping on!

MinneMom

Minniemum - laughed through my tears at you saying it will drive a women to drink .....I just hate feeling like this. I never used to get down like this and all I seem to do these days is complain about it. I am really going to try and be AF tomorrow - will empty out my Nal from my keychain and as long as I can get through that first hour or so when I get home from work I will be fine. I am just used to having that one when I walk in the door - so by not having the Nal with me I should be fine.

thanks for the support.....

Hugs, Maggie xx