Hello! Week 43 for me. What an incredible ride TSM has been!

I have not been posting for many reasons. I was finding it difficult to keep up with all the posts and was falling behind both here and at home. December and January were crazy months for me with lots of travel. I also was feeling a little down that drinking is still an issue for me after so many months. I had hoped to be posting wise words of advice based on my one or two drinks per week but that didn't happen. My drinking seemed to level off and I stopped tracking for weeks 27 through 42. I am very grateful for what TSM has done for me. I now drink half of what I did pre-TSM, wake up feeling great most mornings, and things are just better in general. Recently I noticed that my numbers are inching upward so I decided to start tracking again this week.

I used to drink after my husband went to bed, hide alcohol, and sneak drinks during the course of an evening. I also drank quite a bit when he was away, which is about four days a week. I haven't done that since I started TSM. Not only have my numbers been going up, but last week when my husband was taking his elderly aunt home after dinner I considered sneaking a shot of vodka, something I would routinely do pre-TSM, but haven't even thought about doing for at least 8 months or so. I didn't do it, but It really scared and upset me and I am feeling depressed about it. I had really hoped to be indifferent to alcohol by now.

Joe, I look forward to reading your story. Down to 4 from 12 is amazing. Hopefully soon you will want to join us for a Take Off Tuesday or a Why Not Wednesday! It is a lot easier when you know others are doing it too.

Off to catch up on some reading....

Thanks for the update, Dee!

I'm sure I'll be joining you soon, still feeling that pull in the late afternoon/early evening though. I've managed to back off from my 30-year start time of 5pm to a 7-8pm start time, that and keeping the drink out of sight or at least out of my hand has helped me push the numbers down.

Don't get too disappointed that you aren't at pharmacological extinction yet, you've definitely seen the response to the Nal, so it's just a matter of time. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of mindfulness techniques, so you might be able to get some movement there as well. Often, the brain is on automatic pilot and if you want change that you have to step in and break up the pattern.

Are you taking any other meds aside from the Nal? Sometimes antidepressants (SSRI's in particular) can cause reports of increased cravings, but it just seems to depend on the individual. For the very same antidepressant, others will report that it cut their alch consumption. Varenicline and Paroxetine seem to be more inclined to cause increased cravings/consumption, with Paroxetine actually having Alcohol Abuse listed under the "Nervous System" section as an infrequent side effect:

http://www.drugs.com/pro/paxil.html

If none of this applies to you, then keep it tucked away in case you run into a friend that is struggling. I never knew of this before I started TSM (I haven't taken AD's for quite some time, btw).

Anyway, glad you decided to join in with the crew again, welcome back!

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Oh, that is a good one! It made me laugh out loud! It is indeed like an ugly pimple!

I can't say that my desire has ever been nil, but alcohol certainly became less of a focus. I tried to ignore the upward trend, but the desire to sneak a shot of vodka was a kick in the gut.

I do find that emotional times make me want to seek comfort with wine, too, Jaba. I have just realized that I have not fully grieved for my sister-in-law/best friend who died three years ago. I still miss her. There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now and I realize how much I miss having her to talk to about what is going on. I think that perhaps the uncertainty about what the future will bring may have something to do with my recent uptick in drinking. I do feel an underlying current of anxiety. My husband has left his current job and accepted another job with the same company. He has just been offered a different position with another company which he seems excited about. That would mean him commuting again, a more difficult commute, or we would have to move. I almost welcome a move, except that it would mean moving his 90 year old aunt, and also doing some work on our house before putting it on the market. No wonder I am a little anxious!

Joe, I think that delaying the start of drinking has really helped me, too, to lower my numbers. I used to start while making dinner so I would take the nal around 5. Now I wait until I know I want to drink and then have to wait that hour. Many times I did not take the nal until 9 so I would have just one glass of wine before bed. I haven't been able to do that in a while, though. I am sorry that you have suffered so with side effects. I had some really weird ones like excessive sweating but they seem to be all gone. That is good info about the medications. I am not taking any other meds other than the nal. I do not like taking meds and that is why I would love to have the majority of my week be nal free. Hopefully that will happen soon. I am trying for another alcohol free day today, too, and two days in a row will be the first in a very long time.

Thanks for that, Dee, and best luck on AF2!

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Yesterday was my one year anniversary on TSM. Looking back at the year I am trying to focus on the good. My goal when I started was to become indifferent to alcohol, and I have not. I drink less than half of what I used to, though, and I do not sneak drinks or drink a lot more when I am alone. Feeling very sad and alone, I did celebrate my TSM anniversary by opening and finishing a bottle of Prosecco. It has been a long time since I have done anything like that. I stopped keeping track of drinks and I can't seem to get back in the habit although I do know it is important. In a way I think it is a good thing I am having a difficult time tracking because it means that I do not wake up each morning focused on what I had to drink the previous night. I have started again this week. Lately, I have started thinking again about how I can end up with more than my share of the bottle of wine with dinner or how I can grab an extra drink. I am fairly certain at this point that I am in the 22% for whom TSM does not work. I am not going to stop, however, but am going to ramp up my moderation management and mindfulness techniques. I think it depressed me to have to come to this forum and think about my struggle all the time, but I do think it helped me at the beginning of this process and I need to find the time to do it again. I have missed both giving and receiving support. Sorry to be a Deena Downer.

Hey, Deena -

Some take longer than others to get to extinction, but it sounds like TSM is indeed working for you with your latest tracking showing better than a 50% reduction. If you count by the bottles of your usual, how many of those do you go through per week?

Have you stuck to the One Hour Rule?

Hi Joe-

I used to drink a bottle of wine a night plus, right before I started TSM, a couple of shots of something. I now drink a half a bottle of wine a night, although lately that has been ramping up a bit. I read back through all my posts today and was stunned by what I read. I started TSM because I woke up bruised and sore from a fall I did not remember. I absolutely knew that I had to do something or I would die. There were many nights that I went to bed without remembering how I got to bed. I am in a much better place but disappointed that alcohol still holds such a place in my life. I have stuck to the one hour rule. There was once, after spa treatments with friends, that I had a sip of a beer and then remembered I had not taken the nal. I went to the bathroom, chewed a nal, and then said I didn't like the beer and pawned it off on someone else.

Thanks for responding. It means a lot.

Dee

" I went to the bathroom, chewed a nal, and then said I didn't like the beer and pawned it off on someone else."

LOL!!!

That's a great story! I chewed a Nal once, it was rather unpleasant. Not as bad as Andrographis, but plenty bitter.

So you're hanging in the low 20's - high teens per week, sounds like.

You mention that it's on the uptick, how's the stress level? If you got your wish and were indifferent to alch at this point, what would you be doing with your time?