I am new to the site and certainly new to talking about my drinking habit with anyone other than my significant other. I have not yet started taking naltrexone as I’ve been waiting for my order to arrive from River Pharmacy. It should arrive tomorrow, so I wanted to get started on my posts here. I’m planning on using this site to document the journey, as it has been incalculably valuable to me in terms of making the decision to try TSM and not feeling so alone about my problem. So, a little about me and my background…

I’m a 29 year old female, married for 3 years (though we’ve been together for 11). We have no children, but are planning to start trying sometime in the next year, one of the many reasons I need to stop drinking. I have a family history of alcohol dependency. I would classify both of my parents and 2 of my brothers as high-functioning alcoholics. A third brother is also an alcoholic, but definitely not high-functioning in any area of his life, unless it’s the acquisition of still more destructive behaviors.

I grew up in a pretty restrictive religious family. My parents were (and are) Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was a creative child and a constant seeker of challenge. Although I was supposed to focus on the study of literature that came in a constant stream from the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society, I veered away from that early. There’s only so much end-of-the-world prophesying a 7-year-old can take, right? So, my library card became my most treasured possession. Within the pages of the 5 or 6 books I would check out each week, I got glimpses of the world outside our small town and our even smaller religious group. Very early on, I was fascinated with other cultures and religions. It seemed like a silly idea to me that there was only one true religion and we had found it. The idea that a child born in Thailand and raised as a Buddhist would need to convert to a religion conceived in the West in order to be saved just didn’t make any sense to me. I was a very practical child and that idea was decidedly not practical. I continued to attend church meetings with my family and pay lip service to their peculiar religion, but I never stopped asking the tough questions that nobody seemed to have an answer for.

It should not have come as a surprise to anyone that I decided to move out of my parents’ home when I was 15. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. My parents seemed unable to accept my non-commitment to their religion of choice. They said they just couldn’t have me under the same roof unless I was a Jehovah’s Witness. So, my ever practical nature reared its head and I said, “OK, I’ll move out.” I think they thought it would go the other way. That summer I worked 3 jobs and in the fall I moved in with my much older brother and rented a room from him.

As you might expect, I struggled a lot in the following years. Pot was really my first drug of choice, as it was much easier for a 15 year-old to get pot than beer. I did begin to hang around with a much older crowd that pretty consistently had alcohol and so I started drinking too. After a while I started preferring the alcohol. I had quite a bit of social anxiety and the pot seemed to amplify it, while alcohol took the edge off. It also allowed me to stop thinking about religion and whether I had made the right choice. I mean, I KNEW that I had chosen the only route that made sense, but the kind of religious brainwashing I grew up with took a long time to loosen its grip. Alcohol definitely helped to numb me out to those nagging voices in my head.

So, I met my SO when I was 18 and though he did not drink very much, he had no problem with keeping beer and wine in the house (he was 25). I started to drink every day and have pretty much continued the habit to this day. I cannot remember any time during the past 11 years that I have gone longer than a week without drinking, despite many failed attempts to do so. My SO has unfortunately also followed suit and now drinks along with me. We have talked a lot about TSM, but he is convinced that he does not need to do anything and his drinking will taper off as mine does. I have my doubts, but I guess we’ll just see. He has no family history of drinking problems and throughout college, prior to meeting me, said he only drank on about 5 different occasions. We have always been very open with each other and I fully expect he will be a great support during this process. I am lucky to have him.

I primarily drink white wine but will also drink quite a bit of beer and have the occasional weeks with martinis on the menu. The last 2 weeks I’ve been keeping track of my drinks to get a baseline and I average about 40 units.

I stumbled on TSM doing a search on Amazon for alcoholism. I was looking for something I could do on my own. I was never a good candidate for AA because of my background and my issues with a “higher power.” I also wanted something that would allow me to become a moderate drinker and not have to white-knuckle it all the time, fearing that any trigger would send me over the edge. The book and the method made a lot of sense to me and after searching and finding this forum, I knew it was the right choice.

Sorry for the novel length opener, but hopefully my experience can help some other seekers. Will post soon with my first few day's experiences.

"SerenitySeeker": what an absolutely fabulous TSM handle! It certainly resonates with everyone on this board and pretty much sums it up for all of us.

What a fantastic post. I'll give your parents credit for giving you the tools to think critically and enabling you to acquire the skills to communicate so articulately. I was raised the opposite from you as my parents were either atheist or agnostic. The word "God" was never spoken in my house. I do remember growing up in the Boston area and the biggest bulllies were the Irish Catholics. They used to beat kids up for no reason whatsoever and then argue with me that I was going to Hell because I didn't go to church. At a very early age I recognized the complete hypocrisy of these "believers." I'm not saying all Catholics or Christians are like this, but I distinctly remember the attitude of the kids I grew up with and it made a big impression on me. They could basically get away with murder and feel fine about it, so long as they went to church on Sunday. I specifically remember before the age of ten asking religious kids about other kids growing up in other countries -- who had never even been introduced to Christianity -- how they could get into heaven. And the answer, "Unless they accept Christ into their life they are going to Hell whether they've heard of him or not" convinced me at a very young age that I wanted no part of organized religion. In any event, I digress. What tremendous strength of character and courage it took for you to do what you thought was right. (I hope this little anecdote doesn't alienate any religious folks; I think religion is a very personal choice and I would never question anyone's right to their own convictions, whether religious or not.)

TSM works for the vast majority who try it, although perhaps at a slower pace than is reported in "the book." You will almost certainly find that at some point, your obsessive thoughts of alcohol will dissipate. Be careful to only take 25 mg the first time and take it on a full stomach. Many of us experienced significant side effects that are not reported in the book, including severe nausea, sleep disturbance and feeling "spacey." If you avoid these after day one, move up to 50 mg. But if you have significant side effects, many of us here have elected to take 25 mg several times until our bodies acclimated to the drug. 25 mg should cover you if you are drinking only over a few-hour period. As usual, make sure you take it one hour in advance of your first drink.

Welcome to the board! I'm sure everyone else is like me and will be very curious to watch you on your journey to serenity.

My best to you.

Nick

Welcome - I echo Nicks sentiments about your name.
I was raised one of those Irish Catholics Nick talks about, in Ireland, and remember having very similar thoughts.The first time i decided to rebel and not go to mass at 14 i spent the week thinking i was surely going to die and go to hell! We too were told we had the one true religion and had exclusive rights to heaven and certainly wouldn't have entertained that those johnny (or jehovah) come latelys could lay any claim to such a position . Given what has been revealed in recent years of the extensive child abuse carried on by members of the Catholic church both here and abroad i am proud to have spotted the fraud early.
Anyway I am delighted that you are finding this so young and before you have kids and that you have a supportive partner. I don't know if its my imagination but it seems like the age profile of recent new members seems to be decreasing- LoOp would know.
Good luck and keep posting.

Hi SS,

Welcome to our community!

Thanks for sharing your journey to date with us.

Wishing you the best as you begin your TSM voyage of discovery.

V.

I'm wondering if we could possibly curtail the anti-Catholic comments in some of our posts? I appreciate that everyone is entitled to opinions on all topics but I see a slight trend developing that enables us to say whatever we want against Catholics, then add "but of course we're not talking about all Catholics, or Christians, and everyone is entitled to believe what they want." But that statement is said AFTER the Catholic bashing.

I sincerely don't want to start a whole deal about this, however, as a Catholic, I find some of the comments offensive. If I were Jewish, or Muslim, I would express that I'm offended and I know you'd respect me. Can I ask for the same consideration? Thanks

Hi Serenity, lovely to see another new member join us on this TSM adventure

It was interesting to read your back story - it's always nice to get to know more about people's personal journeys, and I believe our collected stories are already encouraging more people to consider TSM, and could be an even more important resource in the future when more and more of us are 'cured'

All the best to you,

8

BGH, point well taken -- no more bashing. If it's any consolation, it would be just as easy for me to come up with a negative story about every other formal religion. But since that will just offend others, just as I have offended you, I won't.

I apologize for being offensive. We've already established previously that politics should not be discussed -- I guess we can add religion to the list of forbidden topics. We are all here for the same reason and discussing subjects that antagonize people certainly undermines that goal.

I will, however, reserve my right to continue bashing AA.

Thanks Nick. I have an experience with AA that gets me grinnin'. Many years ago when I lived in Nova Scotia, in a very small town, I wanted to see if AA was for me as I was desperate to quit drinking. So I screwed up my courage and walked down the dark empty street at 7 pm to the church hall where everyone in town who might be looking would know exactly why I was going in there....you get the picture. Anyway in I went - I was young and not bad looking (if I do say so myself ), and as I went in I could see all eyes on me. I made my long way across the hall to join about 6 large, big-bellied, overall-clad, hay-seeds (sorry, is that bashing?). One of them gave me a big smile and said "well, honey, I guess you want to join the other ladies. They're in the kitchen making the sandwiches." I must have been the only "lady" drunk in town!!

I agree, Nick, about your assessment of AA. When I finally moved to the big city I tried again. But meeting after meeting was all about talking about being a drunk, and how much we all wanted to drink again, but if we would only come to a meeting every night all would be well. I was ok with surrendering to my Higher Power ( ) but I also know he (He ) helps those who help themselves. Anyway, the whole concept of white knuckle obviously does not work for MOST AA people. Certainly never kept me from drinking. But to be fair, most people have simply not heard about any drugs that are effective. And then there's the controversy about whether quitting is possible just by willing it to be so. We can solve so many of our problems by simply working harder, or trying harder, or doing whatever, harder. No so with drinking. Are we all fools? Would we not quit if we could? I'm just so thankful that I have found naltrexone and TMS

I'm so sorry!! I have realized I forgot to welcome SerenitySeeker to the group. Everyone was very welcoming to me, SS and you'll find the same. Good luck. Stick to Nal and enjoy reading the progress of others - you'll be well down the path to serenity soon

Welcome aboard serenity seeker. Hope to observe your progress.