Hi guys and gals,

Just checking in and wanted to post an update as to how things have been going with me. I declared myself cured a while back for various reasons. And I wanted to come back and weigh in on that.

I recently read a post by Firebird on his theory that there are various degrees of cured. That goes along with my statement that Cured is in the eye of the beholder.

On that note, incase anyone finds themselves encountering my odd scenario I'll post my experiences that have occurred over the past couple months.

First let me start out by saying, my craving for AL is all but gone. My main triggers are boredom now, and a social life. Other than that, I could basically take it or leave it. In fact most of the time I will shy away from it. I have gone maybe about 2 months without a drop, and if it wasnt for the peer pressure (wife, friends, boredom) I probably would still be AF right now.

I started to feel the side affects of the NAL again months back, mainly being a bit tired and lethargic, thats normally fixed by the first beer, Im thinking its because I dont take NAL as much anymore, my tolerance has gone down (who knows). But, the last, say 4 out of 8 occassions of drinking, I have found that I have over indulged. Analyzing the scenarios, the times I have done this was when I was at a party or a night club and have dipped into some of the hard stuf. I have found that there is definitely a point where I can drink right through the Nal if Im not careful. And at times I find myself wanting to do this mainly to get rid of the sick stomache feeling.

My experience is, I can have about 5-6 beers then start feeling a bit sick to the stomache and just want to call it quits, but everyone is still having fun. So....I know that if i have a shot, this will push that feeling away, and lead me into troubled waters. If the hard stuff isnt around, then Im fine.

In a nutshell where Im at now is, TSM has taken away that craving for a drink. But it has not taught me HOW to drink. I don't think I ever learned that and probably never will. If I take my NAL Im going to have more than 2 or 3 beers and feel it, or whats the point of drinking right? (thats the way I think) I would rather not take the NAL and just not drink if thats the case. I dont have guilty feelings when I do drink (like before). But the hangover on NAL is enough to make me not even want to run the risk of drinking too much.

Its amazing what life looks like without AL dominating my thoughts. My problems are still there, but its so much easier to SEE the solution when that AL fog has been lifted.

For most of us when we started TSM, because of our addiction, we set out with the goal to keep AL in our lives but under manageable circumstances. Just to let you know, you may very well get to the point where you will just opt to take it out of your life all together, like how BOB3D has said. You may not see it now, but you will, and guess what, you will be ok with that.

So going back to the theory on various levels of cured? Well Im not addicted anymore and isnt that the point?

Happy Holidays

hap

Hap, thank you for posting your update. It's always appreciated when those who have been on TSM a while chime in so those of us that are new know that this program continues to work long term.

Yes thanks, awesome update and I totally get your points. Especially about about why even take the Nal unless you intend to drink and if you intend to drink, throw back a few. that's kind of where I still am. And I just Hit my One year anniversary on TSM. Never declared cured though.

Hapfull, that is the closest description of my own experience with nal drinking. My old worries about drinking are completly gone because my biggest issues were drinking at home. I have almost never overdrank with nal at home because after a few like you describe it starts to make me feel full and I quit. However again like you wrote when Im out and the fun is happening when I get that full feeling and it starts to turns towards nausious I know that if I drink a couple of shorts and it will get rid of it but its then that Im in danger of drinking right through nal and ending up drunk. It happened to me recently at a party. I dont fret about these occasions as they are few and far between but to me its like nal tells me when Ive had enough yet its like I in my flawed wisdom I deliberatly make a decision to override it and continue. Then again perfectly normal drinkers sometimes go with the flow and get drunk so I dont overthink it and I rarely regret those nights except for the hangover.

Thanks for the reply all,

Mario, I was kind of looking for a response on this from other long timers. It makes me feel better that others are experiencing similar things. I was beginning to get worried to tell the truth, ofcourse I will always be weary when I drink even on NAL because I know that there will always be the potential to overdrink, even now after like 16 months. What makes that different from pre TSM is, Im really at the point where if I missed a night out several weekends in a row, I could give a rats ***.

As a binge drinker my pattern of drinking will probably never change. I drink to feel the buzz. Only on NAL the buzz is different, but still there. I run the risk of drinking through the NAL depending on where I am at, a club or a party is the most likely scenario that I will do this. If its just a mellow occasion with friends and beer, no problem.

To tell the truth, I think this is as cured as Im gonna get. I can take or leave AL which is the biggest thing I think, and when I do drink I run the risk of drinking through the NAL, yet on NAL I have a much much higher percentage of just calling it quits when its time. If AL wasnt such a big part of my social circle I think I would probably not even use it.

I appreciate your response Mario.

hap

Hi hap! Yes you are right - each of us will experience 'cured' in our own way. For me I have all the same desire to drink -but not the craving, if that makes sense. I'm trying to work on stress and anxiety to get rid of even the desire but that takes time.

I've recently had about 2 weeks where I drank without the naltrexone (waiting for shipment). Not a good move, but I did it and that's that. I never over-drank, and never got drunk and never increased my amount. Still it was not a good experience. I constantly feared what was going to happen and several times I got really nasty - I could feel the alcohol in my system and wished to heck I could get it out - terrible feeling to be a nasty drinker. And I made no attempt to have AF days when I probably could have gone the whole time AF. Just wanted to drink so I did. Bad move but good lesson.

Now I've got an 8 month supply and guess what? I had 2 easy AF days right after the stuff came in the mail!! Last night - dinner and movie with DH - had one sip - NOTHING - nada, rein, no buzz, no enjoyment, nothing! So why bother? I think I'll be AF for the rest of the week and see how that goes. I don't anticipate any difficulty. This really is a roller-coaster ride

So yes, Hap, you are so right - every one of us has a different path to travel. Just thank God we have naltrexone!!!

Hi Everyone, wow its seems like its been forever since I posted here. Since last year of Dec 04? Very happy to see Nick still active here.

Anyway, I wanted to check in with everyone, As far as the drinking goes. I believe my last drink was on New Year's night when a friend came into town. It was fairly uneventful that I recall.

I wanted to chime in with my feelings and thoughts on what Im experiencing. It may just be a theory, but as my span of AF weeks/months increases, Im wondering if my tolerance for the side effects have gone down. I haven't been able to shake the odd lethargic feeling I get from Nal. I know if I drink it will start to go away, which is slightly dangerous. A safe outting for me would consist of maybe 6 beers, by that time I would be feeling fairly good and starting to get tired. The danger comes when Im the only one done, and the others still want to continue the evening. Because I know there is a point where NAL goes out the window and I can drink right on through it. If I stay away from Hard Liquor things are normally fine. My Hangovers on Nal are enough to suade me from even taking the first drink most times.

Things have been pretty slow on the social front. So I haven't had any real excuses to take my Nal and head on out. When I get bored, I feel like I want to head down to the bar. But when I start to think of the process that it takes in order to do this, TV and some computer games start to sound alot better.

**I have noticed that one of the side affects is urinating alot, like my bladder just wants to get rid of any liquid in my body, even before I start on the AL.

1. Eat (dont want to have an empty stomache when taking Nal, and especially when drinking)
2. Take my Nal.
2. Wait (wait for the side affects to kick in. I really don't like the side affects.)
3. 60 minutes or longer, have my first drink.
4. 2-3 hours later, start to feel really tired, like its time to go home.
5. decide whether I want to continue or not.
6. its only 9-10pm If I go home Ill want to go to sleep, there goes my whole evening for just a few beers.
7. The whole time feeling side affects or what not of the Nal.

Sounds pretty negative huh? Well, it is. Drinking has been a very negative experience my whole life. And only now am I figuring that out! It took TSM/Nal to stop this addictive thinking and behavior. Thinking that a hangover was an ok price to pay to get drunk. That alienating my friends and family was ok to get drunk. That anti social/destructive behavior was acceptable. My addiction would push all this out the window for the next drink. Even on Nal I still risk this, yet not close to as risky then without the Nal.

So why don't I try drinking without the Nal to get that old feeling back? Because my addiction right now isnt blinding me enough into thinking that I could actually pull this off. Thanks to Nal.

I wanted to hit on a point here. Addiction. It really does make us crazy. Its insane thinking. It makes us keep doing a thing that we know will only result in a large negative. Yet we persist. "It will be different this time." It's that insane thinking, that we get stuck in.

When I started I wanted to keep being able to have a drink. So I took my Nal before I did. I continued to do this for over a year. My experiences on Nal and drinking? Not much to write home about. Did I have fun? Maybe some times. Was it worth it? Only in the fact that I have made it to the point I am at.

So thinking back on my drinking, its just not worth it to me. And it was TSM and Nal that has helped me figure this out. So going back to the point on addiction. Many of you just starting or thinking of starting are probably thinking, how can I keep drinking safely? How can I have my cake and eat it too?

This is exactly what I thought when I started, so here I am, and what I have figured out is, what I thought was cake is more like a cow pie, and I really don't want to eat it.

Will I have a drink again? Surely I will. When will I have a drink again? Who knows. One thing is for certain, I will have my Nal with me when I do.

Please don't get me wrong. I am very grateful to have found TSM, so grateful. Its just that I am now realizing just how negative an experience drinking really was for me.

Sorry for being so long winded. In a nutshell, Nal has made me see AL for what it is. It has helped me get to a point where I am not insane any longer, seeing past my addiciton. This may not be what many of you are looking for or wanting to hear, (it wasn't when I was starting out) but its a reality that I am so very grateful for.

Look Ma, no white knuckles!

Keep pushing,

Hap

Thanks so much for your post. I can really relate to alot of what you said. I noticed very early on that I can "drink through" the Nal, especially if I switch from beer to Vodka or Rum. Funny if I think about Vodka or Rum before I start drinking it's not appealling at all. But after several beers I am willing and able to start drinking the hard stuff. I am also willing and able to switch to water and if I think about the "cost benefit ratio" it would seem I would choose the water! I AM able to choose water more often now. However, I still seem to choose to go overboard about once a week, although the amount overboard has decreased!
Thanks for the thoughtful anaysis of your situation.
I hope to be where you are, all things considered, ain't it great?!?
Thanks,
Dave

Awesome post Hap! Glad to see you chime in. No need whatsoever to apologize for not drinking. The point was to regain control either to healthy levels or zero if you are so inclined. That's the great thing about TSM, you have a choice!

Great to hear from you again. Stay in touch -- it helps the newbies, I'm sure.

My best,

Nick

Hap - Where you are at is where I want to be when it is all said and done. Your post gives me so much encouragement that I can get there. I started TSM because I want to stop drinking. I still remember how good life was before I started drinking and I want that back, so thanks for your post.