Yesterday I wanted to drink so I took my nal and waited an hour. By the time the hour passed the craving had gone away and I could've chosen to not have any. But instead of going AF, I drank. The first two drinks tasted terrible so instead of stopping I choked them down then continued to drink way too much

Now I have a crappy hangover. Why don't I listen to my body and let TSM work? I can see why it works better in rats then people. Thanks for letting me vent!! BTDT

Yeah, me, too. But something in the back of my mind tells me I should drink for the method to work. Hate to waste the pill and all. Also, for me, even though I drank too much last night and feel kind of bad, I didn't drink as much as I would have historically. And each time I do it I feel like I'm internalizing the lesson of the unpleasantness a little more. I hear you when you say that you could have chosen to not have any, I think the same thing, but if you were good at that would you be here? I just intend to keep to the formula and let it happen. I hope you are feeling like you are progressing in general, I certainly do. Cheers!

Jimi,

Thanks! I guess I'm feeling a bit down on myself today. Yes, overall I do see progress - it's the spikes along the way that get to me. I seem to spike then get more progress then spike again... Oh well, hangovers have a way of making everything seem negative.

Hang in there!!!! I know how you feel believe me!! It's SUCKS from the very core!! Try to keep chin up, talk to me, let it all out. I know about guilt, feeling like I hate myself, sorry every time I hurt my Husband,(and there are many). I'm learning how to forgive myself. After all I figured if Rich can forgive me over & over I certainly should be able to do the same. You're a good loving sensitive person. But somewhere along the way, somebody or something hurt you, wether it be from chilhood, divorce, whatever & maybe the bottle is how you handled it,(like me). Sometimes I think it is all alcholics' "cross to bear"", & we need to forgive ourself first. Pretty hard stuff. Don't look back, can't change it. Look forward to the day you can say F...You to that bottle. It will happen for you.
ALWAYS, JANE

Jane,

Thank you. You are right. No good will come from beating myself up the bottle does that for me. I am here trying to get treatment and yesterday was just one more extinguishment session. Hopefully it will give me a couple of days off. I appreciate your support Hugs BTDT

I sense how you feel "conflicted" about nal and your drinking behavior. I'm into my 15th week and am finding that I'm not enjoying even the couple of drinks I have on those days when I take my nal. In a way, I want to enjoy drinking, but on the other hand, I'm not missing the hangovers and regret. I'm getting what I had hoped (at least I think so) out of TSM. My god, I am grateful that I see myself emerging from the alcohol trap. But then again, I miss the anticipation of a "good time," but not the regret of the aftermath. Conflicted? Yes. But let's just remember how miserable our over-the-top drinking days have made us feel.
You're doing the right thing for your health and future. Keep on going and know that in encouraging you, I'm getting the benefit of your experience to help myself. Thanks for posting, even your downs. I am grateful for nal and this site.

Slipstreamer

Slipstreamer,

Yes, I do feel conflicted but mostly about whether I should be drinking at all. Problem is I've not been great at long-term abstinence. I'm so glad to hear that TSM is working so well for you and you are only three weeks ahead of me. It sounds like a lot of cured folks have gone through feeling ambivalent when it starts working. I'm sure I'm feeling some of this too.

I'm grateful for this forum. I doubt I would've made it to my 12th week without the support and experience from you and the others.

Thank you!! BTDT

Beautiful post Jane.

BTDT, if you are taking NAL 1 hour before drinking naturally you are not fighting your progress; rather, you are doing exactly what TSM calls for according to Eskapa's book. On the other hand, I don't think using a modicum of will power or techniques to limit one's drinking while on TSM would do any harm. I think it's a balance. At any rate, each drinking episode on TSM is an extinction session which moves you closer to your goals.

Merlot,

Thanks. It makes me feel better to think that the decision to drink was the means to the end I am looking for. I feel much better today. Yesterday was AF and I'm hoping tonight will be too. I pick up my Mom at the airport tomorrow and I'd prefer to be hangover-free.

Thank again all for the support on this board!! You are all terrific!! BTDT