Hi everyone,

I am so relieved and hopeful to have discovered you all, and most of all TSM. I came across these boards several weeks ago, ordered the book and devoured it cover to cover - and just took my first dose of NAL while drinking yesterday. I feel shocked that with all my searching for a "cure", I never once came across this information!

I procrastinated a lot about starting TSM, for some reason - in fact I already had a bottle of NAL 50mg pills from my doctor, purchased several months ago, with the advice to take 1 every day and abstain from drinking. Looking back I wish he had known about TSM! This actually worked moderately, on and off, for a month or so... then after a couple of "relapses", I stopped taking the NAL as I doubted its effectiveness and gave up... so right back to usual drama, and possibly even more frequent and intense drinking. Even though I have now had the bottle of pills on my shelf for some time, AND have known about TSM, I've been putting off starting this particular (very different) method... conveniently "forgetting" to take the NAL before drinking... as though I am scared to try this, in case it fails like all my other attempts. I guess it just seems too good to be true...!

Finally I started by taking 50mg yesterday, just before my first beer. No noticeable side effects, I'm pleased to report. And although the ensuing drunk was a wipe-out and the hangover was so bad that I took a sick day today, at least I feel I have finally taken some small, but important action.

Drinking has been a problem as long as I can remember - I'm 26yo and that would make it around a decade that I've been drinking heavily now. Tried many approaches, from CBT to other therapies, AA groups, exercise, meditation, church... brief attempts to find different friends, new hobbies, even alternative addictions (Hmm, maybe I won't drink as much tonight with this cigarette in my hand...)!! The thing that most scares me is that somewhere - recently, without even noticing the exact point it happened - I have stopped TRYING to stop drinking off my own willpower. I don't even pretend to myself anymore that "This time, I'll stop for good." I can feel my health, my relationships, my work ethic, my integrity as a person, all just gradually deteriorating... and it terrifies me. I can literally SEE the toxicity of my system in my lacklustre complexion and my constantly red, puffy eyes. I am so ashamed of the person I've become, and yet the only way I seem to be able to escape this guilt is by drinking... talk about a vicious cycle. Earlier this year I dropped out of grad school, and my drinking has escalated to near-daily levels, often maybe 10-15 drinks a night. I feel overwhelmed by the world of 9-5 work and feeling really disconnected from any sense of what I really "want" out of life... I feel old before my time, and sad... and wishing that I could spend some of the time I spend DRUNK, in actually working who the hell I am and what I'm doing with my life.

I hope that this very long introductory post doesn't come off as too self-involved...that is one of the things that I am constantly ashamed of - how much I live "inside my own head". But it has helped me so much to read what others are going through so I thought I would reciprocate in detail! With any luck, if I can follow this method correctly, my future posts will be less despairing and more hopeful

Thank you all for listening...
Grace x

Hi Grace, no you are not too self involved, thanks for writing. I am not a person of many words, just wanted to say I am here reading your thoughts and I hope the best for you in this struggle which I share with you and have myself tried to eliminate from my life too, starting to have a realization at your age that I too needed to change.
Now many years later, I still am striving towards a control and with the use of Nal and TSM I at least have gained a "control" over my inebriated episodes, and I find my life is much more satisfying. I am not "cured" but I do continue on my quest. Best to you, we are all here for you.

Grace, Welcome
It's posts like yours that I just read with interest and pain that convinvce me I did the right thing coming here .It's just so awful all that despair. But take heart and Get ready to change you're young this is the way out for you .

Welcome Grace. It is evident from your post that you are innately a conscientious, caring person who simply fell into a trap and need help getting out. Yes, alcohol does erode our character after awhile - sometimes. But not always! I can't speak for myself, but I can say that my boyfriend Jake is an alcoholic, and I've never, ever known a person with greater intelligence, compassion, and integrity - drunk or sober, he's the best.

And if you've spent time reading the posts on this board, you've no doubt realized that a lot of alkies aren't 'character flawed,' but simply people who had a monkey jump on our back as we were walking through the jungle one day. No harm, no foul.

So try not to beat yourself up, and welcome back to a world filled with hope, and expectation!

Grace, you have a journey ahead of you, but you can see what the finish line is like - just ask your fellow travellers to see the pictures. You've done the difficult bit - you've found the road and the map. We're all going in the same direction and on those tricky downhill sections where you're giddy with the descent, the uphill struggles where you're finding it hard to believe you'll ever catch your breath and those times you trip and fall - just remember that others have trod that path - and we're here to extend the hand you need to help you up.

Hi Grace:

I can feel my health, my relationships, my work ethic, my integrity as a person, all just gradually deteriorating... and it terrifies me.

I think almost all of us can relate to this powerful statement. One of the many pernicious aspects of alcoholism is that while all of these things are deteriorating, it often takes years and years for us to recognize it. I was a go-getter in my 20's and early 30's but slowly fizzled as my alcohol intake increased. I no longer had the focus or the motivation to succeed at a high level as more and more of my energy was dedicated to achieving my next buzz. The good news is that you are young! I've got 19 years on you that I'll never get back. The other incredibly fantastic news is that TSM works and you are well on your way to completely revitalizing your life.

It's glaringly obvious from your post that you are highly intelligent, sensitive and extremely thoughtful. Self-involved? Not!

Welcome to the board and look out for early issues with TSM, like side-effects. Take 25 mg the first few times on a full stomach. If you have side effects, they almost always subside after a week or so. And don't be shy about asking questions as many of us here have "been there, done that" -- your experience with TSM will almost certainly be shared by many of us here.

Welcome and all my best to you.

Nick

Hi Grace - I too, was touched by your post and glad you found us. It's the overwhelming sense of hope and positive outlooks on here that are so contagious. I hope you get it too. This may be your therapy, as it is for many of us. I hope you find a new lease on life from just being on this board. I have, and I think many agree. Don't despair - you are doing something about your drinking and that is the first step.

We are here for you, girl, so welcome aboard and don't be a stranger!

Hi Grace, glad you're here. I also just started five days ago on NAL and I can't believe how much clearer my thinking has become on taking it. We're headed for the CURE and one day we'll look back at this time and remember that it was the best decision we ever made.


Welcome aboard!

I read this and it brought me to tears. We aren't character flawed. We are beautiful loving caring giving human beings. I wish I had stayed out of the jungle that day. Doesn't really matter anyway because the skeleton still managed to get in my closet!

We CAN do this. Don't ever give up.